i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
