before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
