i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize