when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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