thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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