ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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