C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
