Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
