If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
