i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
