...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
