Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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