She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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