He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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