No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
as a side note pls kill me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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