Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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