I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize