pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
