My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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