I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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