I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
