i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
