Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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