I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
