I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
