I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I die, sorry about rent.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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