why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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