I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
