was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
