Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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