Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
