Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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