I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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