Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
