come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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