and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
