Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
