I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
