Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
