maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize