So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
