either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
