Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
