one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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