I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
