What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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