We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
