Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize