dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
