Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
