worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's paper in my vomit.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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