Sry I called you an 8
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
