using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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