Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
then he tried to convert me to islam
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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