haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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