if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
