Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
