weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
