jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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