I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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