kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
