I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
