Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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