Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize