The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
