I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
