Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
