I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize