Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
