apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
