I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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