i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
