PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
