yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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