I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
