this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
