His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
