Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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